The rush, craziness, constant demands, wants, so much to do, so little time, checklists that never get crossed out, get up & go, hurried baths, shave on the run, make up in the car, road rage, leave & come home in the dark, microwaved meals, tv, rush, no time for gym, meetings, traffic, noise, deadlines, scream, stress, pressure, depression, loneliness, compulsive behaviours, freaked out, anger, where did the weekend go? Time, time, time, no quality of life... Phew! I forgot my trail of thoughts with so much to do.
is it a quarter life crisis? What crisis? Am I regressing? I guess I just want OUT!
I am just yearning for a deeper meaning in life, change, a 180 degree shift in lifestyle. Calmness, stillness, peace of mind and joy. I don’t see myself sustaining this lifestyle here… I want the simpler things, lighter load and to declutter my life.
Recently a friend and I decided to take a stroll around Wits campus. Reminicing about the good ol' days. It felt like we were back at varsity. Wits gave us the edge. We had everything on campus, the simpler finer things. Poetry, writing school, theatre, dance, hip hop, languages, gym, choir, counselling, parties, yoga, lawns, open spaces, academics, debates, engaging one’s mind and volunteering in local communities all under one umbrella. Now wiser and older I appreciate the time and opportunities we had. I mean I love my life and all that jazz...
However I would do anything to get out of this rat race, constant pressures, too many responsibilities, bills to pay, making major life changing decisions, constant need of an increase, changing careers, moving houses etc. No more bumming on the lawns and cutting classes. Now someone owns my time, freedom and ultimately owns me. I miss my volunteering days, going into the rural areas and local comminities to give back. What stops me now, you may ask? Time… this… and… that… Every precious time you get on weekends you want to use it for rest and relax before the following week’s grinding begins all over again.
Khalil Gibran, The Prophet says Work is love made visible. “If you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy". I don’t really think our generation loves working. Not like my father’s generation, where they worked until they retired old, gray and sometimes too sickly to even enjoy their small retirement “fortune”. I think if given an opportunity, most of us would opt to stay at home. I would to, be a stay at home travelling woman. I have thought this all out. The things I would do to keep myself me sane, the important things I have been putting off due to lack of time. I would give anything to get out of this rush and travel, see new spaces, give my time to people who really need it, empower communities, write and capture my experiences and freelance. My time belonging to me, engage in certain community projects, have more time to cook, write, read etc. Oh the life of leisure. I think I was born for that. Until then I guess it’s back to the drawing board to find out how to gain the necessary exposure in order to make those dreams a reality…
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